While some people are writing articles about the hope and change that is supposed to come from the election (hardcore Frank fans know that my political views are who gives a shit, either way we’re fucked), I come to you with a different story of hope and change. A personal result of dedication and triumph.
First of all, please be aware that I am not one who normally promotes products on anything that my name is associated with, even if it is as low as a Blog. With that out of the way, a lesser know fact is that my absolute non alcoholic favorite drink in the world is the Arnold Palmer.
For those not in the know, an Arnold Palmer (yeah the golfer) is simply half a glass of ice tea and half a glass of lemonade. The story goes that Arnold Palmer the golfer used to drink his iced teas and lemonades like a true bachelor: Straight from the carton. Unfortunately for him, he was married at the time. One day, his wife left him and he was forced to fend on his own. Of course since he was so busy playing golf he never had the time to go grocery shopping. A few months after his wife left him he was at a Master’s Tournament or some shit and he returned home parched. He opened the fridge only to find the horror that he had like half a glass of iced tea and half a glass of lemonade left (he had since learnt the errors of his ways and drank from a glass). He then had the darnedest idea to combine BOTH of them into a cup and mix the concoction with ice. After one sip, he knew he was sitting on something big. He quickly filed a patent for it and sold the idea for millions of dollars. And since it was after the divorce, he got to keep all of the money only to retire from the sport of golf and move into a mansion. The End.
So I have tried a number of Iced Teas that offer the “Half Iced Tea Half Lemonade” combination (The term Arnold Palmer really is patented, which I will address in a minute). Snapple makes them, Nantucket Nectars makes them, even my beloved and sorely missed WaWa produces their own line. But I am constantly drawn back to my favorite incarnation: The Arnold Palmer Lite Green Tea and Lemonade, produced by Arizona Iced Tea. Yeah it does say lite in it which shocks me too and I hate green tea as well. But I just can’t stop drinking the stuff. The shit is amazing. Not to mention the fact that my local Shop Rite sells the big bottles of them four for five dollars.
When I do my (usually) weekly shopping, I pick up four of them to last me the week, the cashier usually stuffs them all into one double bag which doesn’t close and rolls all out of the bag in the car. It is worth it though after a hard day of saving the world to open up one and calm my nerves with a relaxing round of Mega Man 9 on Wii.
So you can imagine the look of shock on my face when I saw that fucking Shop Rite stopped stocking the Arnold Palmer Lite Green Tea and Lemonade. They replaced it with Arizona Sweet Tea. I HATE ARIZONA SWEET TEA (but drink it when it is the only thing available). It was at this point where I knew my new mission in life, to get Arnold Palmer Lite Green Tea and Lemonade back on the shelves.
So with a quick trip to the customer service counter I got the address for the stores customer service department. I then went in line, since I was over the 10 item courtesy counter limit and paid for the rest of my groceries. After getting home and putting any perishable items into the fridge, I started construction in my handwritten letter. In it I made sure to mention how the product was constantly gone off the shelves and that should be a sign that it was a hot seller. Yeah I may have also threatened to take my business to another supermarket, but I am sure what I spend on groceries is insignificant in the big picture. I signed and dated the letter and put it in the mail the next day.
I returned to Shop Rite two weeks after writing the letter to do my grocery shopping (I was on the road a lot the previous week and didn’t get to go to the store). I went straight for the Iced Tea aisle and found that the Arnold Palmer Lite Green Tea and Lemonade had returned. Finally, I have seen change in the result of my individual actions. I loaded my four into the cart when I saw that change had a price. They were now three for four dollars. In the end, those son of a bitches won. They got me paying more for a product that they know I need. Sure, some people may point out that the items I wrote about were merely out of stock when I went there and were probably on the shelves the next day, but then I say EXPLAIN THE PRICE CHANGE.
